Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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