Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
