you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
