"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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