I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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