He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
