Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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