I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
