he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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