Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it hurts more in the daytime
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
