remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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