there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
