I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
