Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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