The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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