i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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I think I sprained my soul last night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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