hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
