3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
