shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
