I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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