Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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