so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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