You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
