i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
