I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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