Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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