a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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