this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
