At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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