I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize