Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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