come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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