he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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