Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
