I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
organizing the empties. That sober.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
