You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
