So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
