He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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