You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
