the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
