I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
