guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
