highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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