I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
