I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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