THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
