I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
