Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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