I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
