Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Your dad touched me again.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
