I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
