So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
