Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
you never un-have a 4some
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
