please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the day after is always just damage control
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
