Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
