she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
