Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
