bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize