Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
