I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
