Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
