Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
