she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
