Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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