I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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