I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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