Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
