There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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