Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
