GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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