The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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