I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
