I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
