you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
