Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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