break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
