Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
no. you can't hotbox the world.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
