i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
