He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We talked him into tasing himself.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
