I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
