We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
