He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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