PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
