you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
