You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
